"From the first tear cried...."

“For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Eph. 2:10

There is a song out right now that just blew me away the first time I heard it, Britt Nicole’s “All This Time”.  It came on when I was headed to work one morning and I sat mesmerized in my car for several minutes thinking about the truth that Britt so effortlessly conveyed in the lyrics of this song.  Like usual, tears flowed down my cheeks as I meditated on the line, All This Time from the first tear cried till today’s sunrise and every moment in between, you were there, You’ve been walking with me all this time.  I’m going to share something personal and hope I don’t offend anyone but I just need you to feel even an ounce of the grace I have experience by a relentless God who said, NEVER WILL I LEAVE YOU, OH NO, I WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU.

I was called into this amazing relationship 9 months after God literally pulled me out of the dark pit of alcoholism and drug addiction.  I knew something big was going on.  I would wake up at night hearing my name called and no one would be there. I prayed and asked God what Lord? What am I missing and then it hit me with hurricane force, HE was calling me, me of all people, into a love relationship with Him.  I was floored and it was like He took over from there.  I got baptized a month later and I truly was so incredibly in love with my Savior. I kid you not, it was like the Bible was an entirely new book that I had never read before.  It was open and alive and I was enthralled with it.  I would drive down the road singing Praise songs at the top of my lungs, crying my eyes out over this new-found grace I was experiencing and thinking, Lord, give me a rooftop and I will shout it to the Heavens that we really really do have a Risen Savior.  I was taken by the one who said, you love because I FIRST loved you.

Fast forward about a year and a half later.  I was still very much a new believer and I was desperate to please God. There was just one problem, I was wrestling with sin and wrestling big time.  Actually I was getting beat by sin and not much of a battle was ensuing.  It was the perfect picture of Romans 7 and I hated myself for saying over and over again that I wouldn’t go “there” again, that I would prove my commitment to God and my love for him.  One particular late night, I had failed miserably, AGAIN.  I was driving home down Main Street in Duncanville and I remember crying out to God not to punish me, please, that I was desperate to obey but that my flesh was just so weak.  I had snagged the role of the Virgin Mary in our church Christmas Play and was supposed to sing that weekend.  I just knew God was going to allow me to fall flat on my face in front of everyone to teach me my lesson and I was begging Him for His precious grace one more time.  I had the radio on and the song Mercy Said No came on and God spoke in my spirit and said listen my sweet girl to MY message.  The song goes like this:  As evil tried to stop redemption's Flow, Mercy said No, I’m not going to let you go, I’m not going to let you slip away, You don’t have to be afraid, Sin will never take control, Life and Death stood face to face and darkness tried to steal my heart away by thank you Jesus, Mercy said NO!  Guys, mercy is STILL saying No in my life.  I wish I could tell you that that was my only bought with sin and darkness in my Christian walk but it just has not been.  You’re not born into brokenness, poverty, alcoholism, dysfunction galore and come out unscathed. And the enemy knows our weaknesses and what lies we believe over others and He has continually taunted me with them through the years but God’s message that night to me 10 years ago is still His message: MERCY SAID NO.  God has never let me go, NOT ONCE.  It’s what Britt’s song reminded me of again today, every single step in between, from the first tear I cried at the hands of an abusive childhood, to the day here recently I stood in the hallways of MBC shouting for joy because I got my acceptance to DTS, He has been with me the whole way.  Never letting go, never letting sin take control, constantly reminding me to Fight the Good fight in His Power and that He has good works prepared for me to do before I was ever a thought on my mother’s mind, He had a plan.  I stand amazed, absolutely astonishingly amazed at the love and grace God has poured out on us.  If you are wrestling today with sin, or the enemy is pounding you with lies, please read this testimony (that did not happen without a test as a good friend of mine says) and TRUST the faithfulness of God.  BUT, be proactive with Him.  The bible tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.  Getting saved is not the end all be all.  So many people say to me, I wish I had a relationship with Jesus like you do (and trust me, I say that with no boasting at all, just extreme gratefulness for the relationship He has allowed me to have).  Guess what?  God earnestly seeks that deep intimacy with you as well.  I wish I could give you a step by step guide to this relationship I’ve been given but I can’t and I seriously doubt it would be something you would want to follow anyway.  I do know this.  Willingness is a huge key.  Willing to pray every day even when you don’t feel like it.  Willing to seek an answer in His word first before we go to a human.  Willing to be fed by Him and the Holy Spirit instead of what this world has to offer.  And the willingness to pray for willingness when we fight our flesh tooth and nail to even spend time with Him.  God answers the prayers of His people and I know anytime I have asked, God refreshes my soul, speaks to me, teaches me, shows me the way, and ministries to me as a loving Father and He has never ignored me.  Not once.  He longs to do that for us.  We are His dearly loved children, not some nuisance that He wishes would just figure it out already.  If you take anything from this, take that He IS WITH YOU…every single step of the way.  Go to Him today, exactly where you are, dry as a bone, or filled to the brim, and ask what He wants of you today.  Good works prepared that ONLY YOU can do, not me, not some other person you are convinced is a better Christian, you only.  Go!  There is so much at stake and He is so faithful and full of love and compassion and gives us the power we so lack!

“My Lord and God, If I could praise you anymore than I know how to right now, I would.  You astound me.  God we have been called by you to be used by you.  Don’t let us believe the enemy.  You’ve promised each of us has a life to live, In you, that will glorify you and brings so much more meaning than the day to day living we try to do in your Name but without Your power does.  Help us to be obedient to the call and willing to watch what you can do with one surrendered soul.  You give us more than this entire world could offer us.  We ask for YOU today.  More of YOU and less of us.  In Jesus’ Name,  Amen.”