Pregnant and Seminary????
"And so, Dear brothers and sister, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him." Romans 12:1
So I’ve been meaning to write another blog for weeks now and
time seemed to keep getting away from me.
Between sickness, teeth needing to be pulled, pink eye, thinking I
might be pregnant, and LOTS of time at work, I haven’t found a moment of
silence to get on here and write. I’ve
had so many topics come to mind that I wanted to share about and for the life
of me, not one will come to mind now. I
am going to have faith that those were inspired by me, myself, and I and NOT
the Holy Spirit and therefore they never made it onto this blog. There is one thing in recent weeks that has had my mental wheels spinning and that is just how much God has grown me in my relationship with Him. For those close to me, you knew that here recently
I had a strong feeling that I might be expecting our third precious baby. I was beyond excited. I love me some babies and not just my own babies. I love ALL babies! I envy Michelle Duggard. I really do.
I believe that love isn’t divided, it is multiplied.God showed me that principal was true when my second child came along. I realized that as much as I LOVED my
precious Maddy girl, when I had Max, I loved him JUST as
much. Isn’t God amazing? He gave us such a capacity to love. The greatest gift He could bestow on us, and
so reflect His heart, is to commit to love someone outside of ourselves. So obviously with that revelation the thought of having another one to love
on was immensely exciting to me. There
was just one small problem...I’ve been REALLY excited about something else God
has laid on my heart, and that is this call to full time ministry and seminary. I can
honestly say each thing excites me to the fullest. So, I was perplexed and
wondering, "Lord, why have you allowed such two strong, Godly desires to be
placed on my heart at the same time"? I
wish I could tell you that I have the answer to my wondering and I am about to
lay some full blown wisdom on everyone, but I don’t. What I do have is one more experience to confirm
that this past two years of pain, pruning, and struggle have truly brought good
about in my life and has grown my relationship with the Lord so much that I
even stand amazed at my reactions to circumstances in my life. The Holy Spirit truly is the power of Christ
living in us. Let me try to explain this
in a way that makes sense. This last
bought of darkness, struggle, and brokenness that I went through, brought me to
a place in my life I’ve never been, a life completely and wholly surrendered to
God. Out of sheer and utter gratefulness
to my Savior for, ONE MORE TIME, picking up the pieces of my choices, my wrecked
life, and showing me undeserved grace, love and mercy, left me with a heart
that said God, whatever. Whatever happens, whatever you want, wherever I’m supposed
to go, I’ll go. Y’all I’m scared to even
write that on paper for fear that He will send me to like some place without a
mall or Starbucks and were people don’t have manners, but I’m serious. My life really does belong to Him. Now, trust me, I’ve asked "God, in your grace,
I would love to not have to go through x, y, or z, BUT, You have shown me what
a great plan you have and I want to be a part of that plan".
So the possibility of me being pregnant enters the equation! Man,I can't deny the part of me that wanted to beg God and say, "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me put seminary off for just a couple of years to have one more", but I knew better. So instead I said "God, whatever". He knows the desires of my heart, and better than even that, as Beth Moore said, He knows the HEART of my desires…more than I do, what’s underneath and what isn’t swayed by emotion or time or circumstance so I am choosing to trust Him. Well two weeks passed and I just had a feeling I was pregnant and I was telling everyone and I was crying and getting excited because what a story it would be. First off, God redeemed mine and Matt’s marriage. Second, I knew the day we conceived was on Easter and it was going to be this New Birth story, and it was going to bring the glory HE so richly deserved and I was going to tell EVERYONE….and then "it" showed up, a half a day late and guess what? I WAS OKAY! I truly was and I thanked God because HE KNOWS! Right! He truly does. And the day I found out I was for sure 100% not pregnant, an email comes from the Seminary, reminding me I have an unfinished application that has a 30 day window or I’ll have to resubmit it! Not the day before I found out I wasn’t pregnant, not the day after I found out I wasn’t pregnant, no, mere minutes after I knew I wasn’t pregnant I get the reminder. Here is my gracious God gently leading me, "Daughter, finish what I’ve set before you to do. I’ve promised you, I’m bringing good and I am. Just be obedient". And what amazed me most was several women who knew that I thought I might be asked me if I was mad, or sad, or disappointed. And y’all, I could honestly say, no I’m not, and how could I be. MY Jesus knows what He is doing and I know that if it was in His plan for me to be pregnant right now, I would be writing this blog eating chili cheese Fritos and bean dip. But instead I’m back on a diet, tears streaming down my face, and thanking my God for LOVING THIS broken girl so much. I can’t express to y’all how MUCH He loves us. It blows my mind when I meditate on it for too long.
So, IN VIEW OF GOD’S MERCY; Let me offer this body as a living sacrifice. This body to do with as He wants. I just want to bring Him glory. I don't think anyone can know this side of eternity, HOW MUCH God has saved me from. Please trust Him with all your heart today. I promise you, He will NOT fail you.
So the possibility of me being pregnant enters the equation! Man,I can't deny the part of me that wanted to beg God and say, "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me put seminary off for just a couple of years to have one more", but I knew better. So instead I said "God, whatever". He knows the desires of my heart, and better than even that, as Beth Moore said, He knows the HEART of my desires…more than I do, what’s underneath and what isn’t swayed by emotion or time or circumstance so I am choosing to trust Him. Well two weeks passed and I just had a feeling I was pregnant and I was telling everyone and I was crying and getting excited because what a story it would be. First off, God redeemed mine and Matt’s marriage. Second, I knew the day we conceived was on Easter and it was going to be this New Birth story, and it was going to bring the glory HE so richly deserved and I was going to tell EVERYONE….and then "it" showed up, a half a day late and guess what? I WAS OKAY! I truly was and I thanked God because HE KNOWS! Right! He truly does. And the day I found out I was for sure 100% not pregnant, an email comes from the Seminary, reminding me I have an unfinished application that has a 30 day window or I’ll have to resubmit it! Not the day before I found out I wasn’t pregnant, not the day after I found out I wasn’t pregnant, no, mere minutes after I knew I wasn’t pregnant I get the reminder. Here is my gracious God gently leading me, "Daughter, finish what I’ve set before you to do. I’ve promised you, I’m bringing good and I am. Just be obedient". And what amazed me most was several women who knew that I thought I might be asked me if I was mad, or sad, or disappointed. And y’all, I could honestly say, no I’m not, and how could I be. MY Jesus knows what He is doing and I know that if it was in His plan for me to be pregnant right now, I would be writing this blog eating chili cheese Fritos and bean dip. But instead I’m back on a diet, tears streaming down my face, and thanking my God for LOVING THIS broken girl so much. I can’t express to y’all how MUCH He loves us. It blows my mind when I meditate on it for too long.
So, IN VIEW OF GOD’S MERCY; Let me offer this body as a living sacrifice. This body to do with as He wants. I just want to bring Him glory. I don't think anyone can know this side of eternity, HOW MUCH God has saved me from. Please trust Him with all your heart today. I promise you, He will NOT fail you.
