My soul is weary

Some days you wake up weary.  This morning was one of those days.  Now most women who are 28 weeks pregnant, work full time, in Seminary, and have a 6 and 8 year old wake up weary.  But this wasn’t your average, “I’m not sleeping and I could use a nap,” weary.  This was soul weariness. I woke up weary of my own flesh and the choices that arise out of that.  I am weary of the constant hurt I see in the world.  I am weary of seeing my friends and family desperate for Jesus, set up one more false idol in their lives to try and fill the void that only He can fill.  I am weary of seeing lost youth, without a dad in the home, wandering around town making trouble because they have no one at home to teach them otherwise.  I am weary of ministry and feeling like most of the messages the Lord gives to me to give to others seems to fall on deaf ears.  I am weary of the Devil and his plans and schemes; his constant attacks.  I am weary of addiction and how it warps minds, hearts, and lives; how it impacts generations in one family.  I am weary of divorce and daddies who have forgotten the wife of their youth.  I am weary of cancer and the havoc it is wreaking on my own family and on friends. I am weary of reading about one more tragedy.  I am weary...bone weary.

Have you had days like that?  I am sure if you have been on this earth for any length of time that you have woken up to a despair that is so deep in your soul that it is hard to even describe for another person to understand.  For a moment this morning all I wanted was to just give up.  Satan whispered, what’s the point?  There is too much darkness and not enough light so just succumb to the discouragement and just give up battling for what you know to be true.  For a moment, the prospect of just not caring as much or praying as much or entering into people’s hurt as much sounded appealing.  “Rest,” I thought.  If you don’t really care about what happens to the world and you turn a blind eye it doesn’t hurt as bad.  And that is true, it doesn’t.  I could build up nice little walls and create a nice little life for myself where I wouldn’t allow others to penetrate and live that way for the next 50 years.  There is just one big problem with that prospect. It is always the question “Is that God’s will? Is that what He is calling you and me to do?” 

Yesterday at staff meeting, I prayed for the men and women I am so privileged to serve with and God brought to mind, Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  As I told God this morning how tired I was and how bad it all hurt, and do I really need to apologize one more time?  Do I really need to keep trying to train my children in the way they should go so when they are old they won’t depart from the faith?  Do I really need to keep praying for people who don’t seem to care that you go regularly on their behalf to the mercy seat and you intercede for them?  Do I Lord?  Does it even make a difference?  The Lord brought back the words that had encouraged others yesterday and emphatically said Misty, DO NOT give up doing the right thing, regardless of what fruit you don’t see, because I promised that the fruit is coming, IF you don’t give up.  Tears streamed down my face as I felt God ministering to the deepest part of my soul and I thanked Him; thanked Him that His Word is His Word.  I thanked Him for the encouragement to keep going on a day where that seemed virtually impossible.  I thanked Him that He reminded me of what my part is to play.  I do the right thing, regardless of who is listening, regardless of what difference I think it makes, regardless if I see fruit, because He tells me to keep doing the right thing and not to grow weary in doing the right thing and to TRUST HIM for the results.

Don’t grow weary in:

Forgiving others

Showing love to those who can do nothing for you

Reading God’s Word when you feel like it’s just words on a page

Praying to Him when it feels like it’s only going ceiling high

Training up your children to love God and others

Caring for others and encouraging them

Taking a meal to a sick friend

Extending grace to the nasty teller at the bank, the forgetful cashier at the drive thru line, the guy who cuts you off on the road, the Facebook user whose status updates annoy you, the child who forgets their backpack, the spouse who just doesn’t understand you at times

Serving at church when no one else is

Biting your tongue when you could say exactly what is on your mind

Asking for forgiveness when you’ve done the wrong thing

Keeping a grateful heart even when life seems to be throwing you lemon after lemon after lemon

Looking into the eyes of a homeless person, truly looking at them, and telling them they have a worth that is far above the $10 bill you put in their hand and a Savior who loves them; dirty, homeless, and with nothing to offer Him because we recognize in so many ways that’s how we all look to God when we come to the Cross of Christ, seeking forgiveness for our sins.

Keep going, keep doing the right thing, and don’t grow weary.

As I got into the car to head to work Come to Me by Jen Johnson came to mind to listen. I listened to it 3 times in a row because I believe the message of this song is what allows us to not grow weary and gives us the power we need to keep doing what He has called us to do.  Here are the lyrics:

I am the Lord your God, I go before you now
I stand beside you, I’m all around you
Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath
I am with you, more than you know

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you, I’m your faithful strength
I am with you wherever you go

Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything
Come to Me, I’m all you need.
Come to Me, I’m your everything

Don’t look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved ooh
I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way
Just come to Me, come to Me, cause I’m all that you need

Each time I listened to this song, the message got louder and louder.  Oh, that today we could all understand what complete and total access we have to God.   He loves us. He is for us. He is fighting with us and He is THE answer to keep fighting the fight, to not grow weary and to keep doing the right thing.  I’m praying over each of my friends and family today that you will Come to the One who can supply all that you need.  Come to the One who meets your needs.  Come to the One who can give you the grace to extend when you have none.  Come to the One who has the ability to love the unlovable through you, to forgive those who hurt you, and to continue to carry the Good News into the darkest of darkness.  Come to Him today and let your weariness turn to strength, your sadness to joy, your conflict to peace, and your discouragement to bold faith to keep doing the right thing.